12 Most Annoying Myths About Moms
My letter to the editor was featured the following week, and I heard from women who agreed with me. The battle is made up bunk.
But the myths continue. Not just about the battle, but about all sorts of things relating to motherhood. Let’s do something about it, shall we? It’s time to debunk the mythology completely.
1. Moms don’t work as hard as those without children.
Um, no. We might go home a little earlier, but hard work is not about when you clock in and clock out. Yes, we have doctor’s appointment and class plays to attend – but that doesn’t make us any less of an employee. In fact, many of us became better at time management and productivity when we became parents.
2. We are constantly judging one another.
According to sitcoms and reality tv, we are supposedly watching each other like hawks. In the real reality, we relate to each other. We realize it’s tough work being a parent, and we sympathize when we see a mom who is struggling with a whiney toddler or rebellious teen.
3. Dads are bumbling idiots.
I’d like to thank the advertising industry for this one. Why, in every commercial, is the mom rolling her eyes as her bumbling husband feeds the kids spaghetti for breakfast and doesn’t seem to realize the screaming baby needs a diaper change. Moms I know appreciate ALL that dads bring to the table – whether they’re married or not. We don’t think they’re incapable parents. We know they are fully capable and totally important.
4. Moms are perfect at domestic duties.
While we’ve come a long way, this myth keeps going. Can we get over it? It takes a village for a lot of things, and keeping house is one of them. Sometimes that village includes family members or the weekly house cleaner. Whatever works!
5. Moms are the cooks and laundresses of the household.
My husband is a wonderful cook. So are lots of husbands. Why, then, when I say this do lots of people react as if I said I keep unicorns for pets? It’s because it shatters this myth.
6. Moms fit nicely into 1 of 2 categories – “working” or “stay-at-home.”
Now more than ever, families are figuring out all sorts of ways to create the life they want. The economy forces the issue, but ever since Rosie the Riveter, we’ve been exploring creative childcare and ways to contribute financially. We do this by working part-time, consulting while our kids nap, or working from home. We ask our neighbors to watch the kids while we write a press release, or we stay home for the summer and then go back to work. Whatever it is, it’s not like we’re exclusively one or the other.
7. Moms who do work outside of the home look down on the ones who stay home.
NO NO NO. Just no. This does not happen. Ask any mom who works and she’ll tell you she respects the hell out of her compatriots who stay with the kids 100% of the time.
8. Moms who don’t work outside the home look down on those who work.
NO NO NO. See #6 and #7 above.
9. Moms of tots and teens can’t get along.
I’ve often wondered why there are so many “new mom” groups that don’t include moms of older kids. I have learned so much from the mothers who had been there/done that. Unfortunately I think this myth is part of the reason for the exclusive clubs.
10. Moms don’t need help.
The role of mom is one that carries lots of definition. The role itself is defined as someone who “knows best” and with that idea comes pressure. Moms sometimes need help, and I’m not just talking about with the dishes. Moms sometimes avoid seeking help for things like anxiety or addiction or abuse. Guess what? Each mother is a human being first, and sometimes humans need grace and support.
11. It’s hard to find interests outside of motherhood.
Parenthood does something funny to your brain. It really does occupy a disproportionate percentage of your thoughts. However, we are allowed to enjoy activities and interests outside of our family circle. It can be whatever floats your boat – roller derby or scrapbooking or photography. Just do it. Birds do fly from the nest one day and you’ll be happier if you have some things to do, too.
12. Moms who blog are Mommy Bloggers.
Yes, I’m a mom. And, yes, I blog. They are rarely related. Please don’t call me a Mommy Blogger.
I know I’m part of the world’s largest club when I say I love being a parent. I can’t imagine anything that is more rewarding. But I’m tired of the myths. Let’s just remember we’re all people first, and go from there. Here’s to all the moms out there – and all the people in our lives.
Photo credit by billaday via creative commons.
Jeannie Walters
Jeannie Walters is the founder of 360Connext, a Chicago-based consulting firm specializing in the cornerstones of customer experience: customer engagement, employee engagement and connections like social media. She is a board member of the Chicago chapter of the Social Media Club and a member of Faith Popcorn’s Talent Bank, a group of experts tapped for trend-setting information.
I put Ultimate Multi-tasker on my profile.
"I'm aiding in the conscious evolution of a new human being" I like that.
Does anyone else have better professional sounding terms for stay at home moms?
jodinesplace I've also heard "I'm serving humanity" but that's not specific enough for me :)
janechinjodinesplace Honestly, my opinion is we don't need lingo. I think "I'm a mom" is good enough. For a 3-letter word, it's a whole lot of work! :)
This is SO true... I'd probably add one more, and that is the myth that just because we're moms (or say, moms of a particular age group of children) -- that we'd somehow become immediate fast friends and that we'd all want to get together for "mom's night out", when taken out of the "mother" context, some of us may not really be drawn to each other. That's like saying all married couples should naturally become best friends with other married couples because -- er, they're "married".
I'm a "stay at home" mom who has been working from home longer than she's ever been a stay at home mom and I never know how to "title" myself when I'm asked by people. My husband's friends will ask him what I'm up to, even though they know I've made the decision to stay home with my child, because they've come to expect that I get involved in many different things.
At one point I thought about some smart ass answer like, "I'm aiding in the conscious evolution of a new human being" but then that's still only one of too many things I'm doing! Hence, as I've told Chris Westfall: elevator speeches are my nemesis!
janechin You are totally right about the all moms being friends myth! Great one to add.
Wow, this is a lot of baggage people are heaping on poor moms! I don't have much experience with most of them (thank God!), but I'm going to share a little-known fact about bumbling dads: we play that part to get out of responsibilities! Unfortunately for me, Jane didn't buy it for a minute.
Oh, and as for the moms looking down on each other...? No working mom has ever stuck up her nose at Jane for not working (at least not in my presence), but plenty have liked me better after I told them it's entirely up to Jane, and I'm good either way.
Great post, Jeannie. ...One again!
tedcoine Thank you, Ted! Yes, I'm pretty sure every parent is guilty of "bumbling" for effect at one point or another. Who me!? I'm still sleeping. I don't hear that child calling for a glass of water. ;-)
I didn't have to worry about my kids being left on a daycare bus.
I always say I did the responsible thing taking care of my responsibilties.
"It’s hard to find interests outside of motherhood." My life was Blues Clues, Dora, toys and school.
Sometimes teachers and other moms were the only other adults I spoke to, but it was about kids.
I went to a class reunion all I could talk about was my kids. And I couldn't remember the music trivia of the music I used to listen to in high school.
"Dads are bumbling idiots" I like the AT&T commerical, the dad doesn't know they upgraded to wireless internet, doesn't he pay the bills and ask questions about what he is paying for?
I was so lucky but it was very hard work.
I had 3 children 1 year apart. That was a second full time job. I had to resign from my job to make my children my full time job. My wonderful husband made it possible. We made the sacrifices and it was 7 beautiful years.
It was very hard for me to get back into the workforce after taking care of my children at home for 7 years.
Many employers were saying they prefered 6 months steady work. I was really working for 7 years.
I found it very hard to get my foot in the door. I had to rely on temp agencies. It was like going back 25 years ago starting at entry level again. I had a job for 10 years at one company doesn't that say something. Plus the 7 years at home.
I was a Teacher, Driver, Nurse, Housekeeper, Cook, Mediator,Volunteer at school, chaperone: Fieldtrips, dances and playground, classroom projects and activities.Supervised or assisted 2-100 children.
I put stay at home mom on my profile.
http://www.linkedin.com/in/jodineplasticsmachineoperator
"Oh you are so lucky to stay at home all day and play with your baby" ... I've heard that too many times. Luckily I didn't have a weapon close to hand. I can't pick one of these as my favourite ... #12 is something that is recently getting me going. Sharing ... love this!
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Ameena Falchetto Thanks for adding to the discussion here and for sharing the post! I agree - the "lucky" comments are really judgments in disguise. I got a "oh, I'm lucky enough to have a husband who makes enough to stay at home" from a near stranger when I said I'd be working again after maternity leave. My choice to work (or anyone's) is about much more than one of us making enough cash. It's a family decision based on lots of things, including my career path and what we had worked out for childcare. I'm very careful not to use that term when referring to others' situations. Luck is what you make of it!
jeanniecw I totally agree. As I work for myself I never had maternity leave yet the assumption that because I work from home I am obviously drinking coffee and playing on facebook (because everyone knows how babies are just for when you want to play with them ... right?)
I have to admit working from home with a baby is a PITA. Somedays I'd give anything to go and sit in an office with the door closed for a few hours.
You are so right - luck is what YOU make of it.
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Sean McGinnis LUCKY man! I'd throw something at you but sadly it's MY computer screen that divides us :)
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Sean McGinnis Dunno if was ginidietrich@johnfalchetto
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Ameena Falchetto I typically get that response when I say I work from home and stay home with the kids. I had to stop saying, "Luck had nothing to do with it. I worked really hard to be able to work from home." as most people could sense my defensiveness...
bethrago I am in the same situation - it was a choice before I even got pregnant that I would stay home and WORK. I think personally that WAHM's have it hardest in managing perception and attitudes towards them.
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I wonder about #7 and #8. Are those myths?
Biebert Fair question, but I really believe they are. I think it's a convenient myth to believe there is some sort of judgment jungle out there. Honestly, most moms I know have been one or the other at some point. I really do believe we're all looking out for each other.
Reading this post reminds me of how I feel whenever someone asks, "What do you do?" I'm frequently stumped for an inclusive answer that really explained the life of a mom. How do you answer that type of question when you are working in and out of the home in your chosen field and you're the chauffer, CFO, Chief of Medicine, assistant to all and running your own life and goals. I really do need that 30 hour day!
kalynnamadio Oh my friends and I have discussed this point, too. It's awkward to say "full-time mom" because that indicates those moms who work are less than full-time, and yet just talking about our professions leads us to ignore the full-time role of motherhood. Perplexing, I agree! I typically slide in my kids when asked about what I do, along with, you know, what pays the bills. :)
Oh, Jeannie, I like so many of these points, I cannot choose just one! I fit into all of these categories (stay-at-home/working/blogging mom) and find it amazing people still believe these myths. Now if we could only get rid of labels like 'soccer mom'... Great post!
bethrago I'm not sure what it is about these myths that make them so long-lasting and pervasive. Let's keep showing them what real Moms do! Thanks for the comments, Beth!
jeanniecwbethrago Annoyingly a LOT of these stereotypes do exist ... thankfully there are some normal mama's out there who are too busy to get bogged down with the petty stuff!
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Ameena Falchetto jeanniecw You are right! I just don't have time to worry about what other people are thinking/saying about me. (Thank goodness for therapy and yoga, right?!) I am completely happy with my decisions and how my kids are turning out and with the right daily attitude, I am making things great happen in my life! Sure, I might be seen as an eccentric, happy-go-lucky, crazy mom at preschool, but who cares?! I have embraced my kooky life in all its glory.
I did find a group of women/mom/entrepreneurs that meet twice a month. I am so grateful for them!
Love this, Jeannie. I especially love #3. I work from home, but occasionally I have a job that takes me away from home for several hours. Fortunately, my hubby is SuperDad. In fact, it sometimes makes me feel inadequate the way he manages to simultaneously make a healthy and delicious dinner, wash dishes (no dishwasher), do a coupla loads of laundry, and get our 2 kids fed and bathed by bedtime. And he does it after putting in an 8 hour day at work. HAPPILY. More props for Dads!
WhatchuNeed_com I agree! And it's worth giving props more than once. Kudos!
Excellent post! I agree with every point--especially #6, of course. :)
JulieNilson Thanks, Julie! Happy to have a mom comment here. :-P
Wow Jeannie - Great post - I see so many of these stereotypes all the time.
how do we fix this?
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danielnewmanUV Thanks! I think we keep talking and lifting one another up. At least, that's what I hope.
Thanks for posting this - from a guy's perspective, esp. #3. Boy, does that stereotype get old fast...!
SteveWoodruff I agree, Steve. Dads rock!
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