12 Most Fundamental Differences Between Men & Women – Part One

12 Most Fundamental Differences Between Men & Women – Part One

When 12Most was first envisioned, the idea was to do a 50-Best list site. Thankfully, for us writers, they brought that down to an even dozen. But, for this post we might have preferred 500 or more, as the number of differences between the sexes is vast. Note that I used the word, “Sexes,” rather than gender. I hate the word, “Gender” almost as much as I hate being Politically Correct. Fair warning!

Please note that this man loves and respects women so this column is not anti-woman at all! What it is, from this one father and husband, is my honest look at our differences with the only guiding principle being the truth, plus a touch of humor. We also recognize that no single writer could possibly hope to tackle this subject alone, so we will be offering you the opportunity to contribute to “Part Two.” Read how at the end of this article.

I am going to alternate men and women, so there will be equality with six differences each. Men go first, of course, because we’re more important and women should be following behind us anyway. Now, that is my sense of humor. Get over any indignation you may be feeling right now! Trust me, in my house, my wife is the boss and I just pay (some of) the bills. Oh, and one more thing. Seriously. Every generality or even stereotype has its exceptions so I declare here and now that any given item on this list will not apply to every man or woman.

1. Men Like to Look at Women

There’s a reason there are more “Men’s” magazines with scantily clad or naked women than the equivalent for women. Men like to look, enjoy variety, and are made to procreate. We control that instinct for the betterment of family. Women like to nurture and care much more about what is inside. Sorry, that’s the truth!

2. Women Like Funny Men

What is #1 (or #2) for women on their list of most important attributes for a man? Sense of humor. You make ‘em laugh, you have a chance. Not funny, not gonna get a second chance!

3. Men Could Make Love to a Shoe

Hmmm, I declared that I wouldn’t bash women, but it’s beginning to feel like I’m bashing my own kind! Yes, men can “make love” to a shoe. Pathetic, isn’t it?

4. Women Buy Shoes, But Only Like To Make Love With A Human Being

Every book like “The Game” and its ilk advise men that the best way to get a woman is by listening, paying attention, being funny, being smart, and not by being your natural self – a slug. Women have discretion. They have taste. They like to talk!

5. Men Think Certain “Bodily Functions” Should be Shared and Appreciated by All

Men will actually have contests related to bodily functions. You can use your imagination. We want this site to remain no worse than PG-13. My boys and I congratulate each other for a particularly good B or F. You can fill in the blanks.

6. Women Largely Believe Previously Mentioned “Bodily Functions” Are Private

Ever wonder WHY women go to the bathroom in pairs? And, spend 20 minutes there? So do I! But, whatever it is they’re doing there, it’s behind closed doors. Perhaps they’re as gross as we are, but I doubt it.

7. Men Would Prefer to Eat With Their Fingers and Wipe Their Hands on Their Shirt

What is a napkin anyway, but a waste of paper? We men are especially environmentally conscious and therefore would prefer not to waste natural resources like paper, linen, and various metals. What’s wrong with our fingers, our mouths, and our shirts?

8. Women Like White Wine

Women would still drink Shirley Temples if they were called “Angelina’s” or the equivalent. Ugh. Sweet drinks: those horrible concoctions with a little umbrella and maraschino cherry in them. Oh, and yes, white wine. Just a glass. I’m on a diet.

9. Men Show Other Men Love By Putting Each Other Down

“Hey Bruce, you sure are ugly!”
“I’m ugly? You’re fatter than a pig!”
“Great to see you Bruce!”
“You too, man, let’s watch the game”

10. Women Actually Talk to Their Women Friends

Women stay friends for decades. They meet for coffee and talk. They exchange e-mails that are more than a few sentences. Texting or grunting at one another isn’t a relationship to women.

11. Men Watch Sports and Action Movies

We used to like Arnold. We still like Bond, James Bond whoever plays him. A man hitting other men is good. Boxing. Football. Ice Hockey. The more blood the better…oh, I’m referring to movies, now.

12. Women Watch Lifetime/Ellen/The View and like Nancy Myers Movies

Can we talk about our feelings just a bit more, please? Yeah, women like to talk about their feelings. That’s why they watch those female-hosted daytime shows like the late Oprah, The View (men, we can all throw-up now), Ellen, and Dr. Phil. Yeah, he’s really a woman. As for movies, have you EVER known anyone with a house as perfect as every character’s house in a Nancy Myers movie?

See? There’s no way this list is close to complete! So, we invite your help and participation. For Part Two of this indefinite and limitless 12Most series, we will choose the 12 best submissions from our readers, six for Men and six for Women. Each “Winner” will get credited and we’ll post your Twitter handle, e-mail, and URL, as you choose. Each “Winner” will also receive a copy of my book, “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We Are Half the Equation.”

Just leave your submission (no limit) in the comments section below and you’ll be notified if you’ve won. We’ll then ask for your contact information and particulars you’d like included for when we publish the 12 Most Fundamental Difference Between Men & Women, Part Two. Submission deadline is Noon (USA – Central Time) Friday October 7th, 2011.

Bruce Sallan

http://BruceSallan.com

Bruce gave up a quarter century career in showbiz to become a stay-at-home-dad. Those experiences fueled his desire to advocate on behalf of dads, the last remaining group it seemed everyone could disparage with impunity. He began writing a column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View” which is now carried in over 100 newspapers and web sites. Bruce’s first book, A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation is available at Amazon, iTunes, BN.com, and the store at BruceSallan.com. “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View,” Bruce’s one-hour radio show, is available anytime, via live stream, or to download for free on the Radio Show Page at BruceSallan.com. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his A Dad’s Point-of-View Page. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter. Bruce hosts a TweetChat called #DadChat each Thursday from 6:00 – 7:00 p.m., PST.

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65 comments
ArnieWillSallan
ArnieWillSallan

A man would have to have a very oddly shaped "device" to enjoy making love to a shoe. You should have said they would make love to a nerf footbal. I think the best point you made is that men insult each other to say hello. Party on Bruce

-Drew

ArnieWillSallan
ArnieWillSallan

Some women wouldn't drink a drink called angelina's cuz she's a home wrecker in some of their eyes.. But its still true. Its also pretty ridiculous that any man would make love to a shoe, shoes are sorta gross....

MollyCashly
MollyCashly

Hmmmm, I sort of had a bad reaction to this until I thought about it. Mostly true! Ha...most! Missing that fact that women like to shop - YES - and men don't!

MimiBakerMN
MimiBakerMN

Ok, I'll let you walk beside me cuz if you walk in front of me I may kick you in the tush!Let's go thru them shall we? 1) True, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. 2) I absolutely LOVE a funny man. One of my favorite qualities! 3) Just...ick, 4) I have a few pairs of shoes, I'll give you that 5) I'm more like the dudes in this category. Don't take me in public, there I said it. 6) After 4 kids, I do like a bit of privacy when in the privy 7) I might resemble this one as well 8) I prefer a tall, cold glass of milk, but if I did drink it'd be a strawberry daiquiri 9) I have no idea 10) You will learn by my tweets that I ADORE talking. talk talk talk talk talk 11) sports should be watched on a huge HDTV in my opinion. I prefer NFL and MLB. My first year in a Fantasy Football league and I'm loving it. I think I'm in 2nd. I'll be tweeting thru the @VikingsFootball game tomorrow against KC. Both are 0-3. Need i say more to this point? 12) Ok, I do like Dr. Phil because he doesn't put up with anyone's crap. I have occasionally watched a Hallmark Channel movie and during Christmas (yep I said the whole word and didn't shorten it to Xmas or call it a "holiday" pfffttht politically correct) I can cry during their commercials, but I'd rather watch The Mentalist or The Amazing Race.

houseofbrew
houseofbrew

Great post. Would it be true that men don't remember the last argument they had, but women remember that one time in gradeschool when you wouldn't loan them a pencil?

Debra U Sallan
Debra U Sallan

Well, honey, I had no idea. Is that what has been happening to my shoes? You said it was the dogs!

notasupermom
notasupermom

Remind me to keep Bruce away from my shoes.

Lisa P
Lisa P

Great post, Bruce! After a few years participating in fantasy football, I have a greater respect for men in their ability to retain, absorb, and regurgitate so much data and sports-related information, and thus why, they cannot remember birthdays, anniversaries, the errands on the way home from work :)

RichardDugan
RichardDugan

Funny and true. And men and women are attracted to each other too!

Get the point people. FOCUS!!!

PegFitzpatrick
PegFitzpatrick moderator

Interesting post Bruce!

Women do like shoes - there is a commercial that I love that shows a couple shoe shopping and the women shows the man all these different shoes and all he sees is the same black pump each time.

Extra props for saying you "used to like Arnold." Look forward to part 2.

Peggy :)

DixieLil
DixieLil

@BruceSallan Very funny post, and lots of terrible truths here..(although I prefer red wine) The most obvious omission: Women will ask for directions, even if they're pretty sure they're headed in the right direction. Men will continue driving until the sun sets just to give everyone the notion they're not lost!

NancyD68
NancyD68

I fart and burp louder than most men. I also have been known to swear like a sailor. My father owned an auto parts store and I worked there for seven years.

I am feminine, but I also have one heck of a masculine side. I love sports and wanted to be a sportscaster. I would make a good one, especially about baseball.

BillDraeger
BillDraeger

I wouldn't do a shoe (but then I'm old) and I take exception to #7. Otherwise, a good list. Most are right on the money. And next time I see you, I'm going to tell you you're fat, which you probably still are. :)

BruceSallan
BruceSallan

Well, Mimi, THAT is how to comment. AND, you made it all worthwhile with your reaction to #3 - THAT speaks to our inherent differences. It's "ick" to me, too, but it's one of our inherent differences in a very dramatic fashion! (you'll send me any of your old shoes?).

Strawberry daiquiri? Yipes, you're MAKING the points for me! Wanna umbrella in it, too? I suppose you WON'T drink a beer, if at all, out of the bottle, too?

You have NO idea with #9? Here's the companion dialogue (for the girls):

"Honey, have you been gaining weight recently?

"WHAT? I've lost 2 pounds in the last 4 years!"

"Well, munchkin, you might want to consider looser clothes?"

"I love how you kid. Let's go grab a beer" (she grabs her crouch with one hand and puts her arms around her girlfriend with the other)...

#12...case closed. Dr. Phil is really a woman - yipes, can't you tell?

@MimiBakerMN@vikingsfootball

MimiBakerMN
MimiBakerMN

I have no idea why this grabbed me from Twitter as bigguysmama when I'm @mimibakermn now. I may have to figure this one out. =(

BruceSallan
BruceSallan

@notasupermom - Oh, that is funny! I didn't say I was that slug of a guy - at least not that particular trait! LOL...

BruceSallan
BruceSallan

Thx Peg, but as I suggest, men have different "uses" for shoes than women! Lol...cu at #DadChat 2nite (I hope?) @PegFitzpatrick

BruceSallan
BruceSallan

@NancyD68 - I like you, Nancy - we should grab a beer and compare belch's - can you do "Ralph" when you belch?

BruceSallan
BruceSallan

Who ya callin' FAT? Moi! I'll see you at "Hangman's" Bill D this coming winter at Mammoth! Race you to the bottom! Then, we do the BIG PIPE and see who's a man! @MimiBakerMN @BillDraeger

BillDraeger
BillDraeger

@BruceSallan@Debra U Sallan I know that is your wife. That's why it's too funny. It's sad but I have read most of what you have written. It's sad because that means I have no life.

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