12 Most Disappointing Things About The Muppets

12 Most Disappointing Things About The Muppets

So, I kept up with my promise to see The Muppets movie – yes, it was a requirement for me this Thanksgiving weekend. Why? I grew up with Saturday night editions of The Muppet Show (on Channel 16, South Bend, Indiana at 6:30 on Saturday, or 7:00, maybe even 7:30, depending on crazy Hoosier time zone changes that I won’t get into). I went, a couple kids and some in-laws in tow, and here’s what I found disappointing:

1. Jason Segel

I can’t be the only one who has a difficult time erasing certain imagery from certain movies (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) from my mind. Did I need to subject myself to him for an hour and a half?

2. The Swedish Chef did very little cooking

Frankly, the dude should have his own show on Food Network. He played a bit part at best.

3. Bunsen Honeydew

He didn’t say enough, and he didn’t blow Beaker up. Plus, his glasses could have been updated and a little more “Euro.”

4. Mickey Rooney was the only throwback cameo of note

Sandy Duncan? Mac Davis? Kenny Rogers? These people are still alive!

5. Rashida Jones didn’t get enough screen time

If Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton had a love child, it would be Rashida Jones. They did, she is, and darn it, she deserves more of a role.

6. Chris Cooper didn’t get enough screen time

He was pure evil in his role as Tex Richman. And he’s an Oscar winner, too!

7. Veterinarian Hospital

Really – this was one of the classic running skits from The Muppet Show – how could it not make at least a token appearance?

8. Pigs In Space

See Item 7.

9. Sam the Eagle

On the list of “Underrated Muppet Characters,” Sam is high up there – other than answering the phones during a (SPOILER ALERT) telethon, there’s not much to his appearance in this film.

10. Dave Grohl + Animal + Jack Black = No Jam Session?

This is like telling me Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton had a love child and she grew up and didn’t get more screen time.

11. “Moving Right Along” didn’t make it into the film

You expect “The Rainbow Connection,” but leaving out the other epic song from the first Muppet movie is blasphemy.

12. I wasn’t sure what the movie was trying to be

Allow me to play the role of critic for 30 seconds: was it a parody? Was it a kids’ film? Was it kowtowing to the adults in the audience? This was like Frankenmovie – all the parts brought together, but something was missing. It lacked the soul of the first movie, and the originality of the TV show. If I were giving out stars – it probably deserves 2 out of 4.

If there were an item 13, it would be “More Statler and Waldorf.” But I’m certain that the director’s cut DVD will feature their commentary. Won’t it? Please?

Dave Van de Walle

Dave Van de Walle blogs at Area 224 and is Chief Marketing Officer of StraterEdge Consulting.

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