12 Most Honest LinkedIn Profile Descriptors

12 Most Honest LinkedIn Profile Descriptors

In my post featuring the 12 Most Meaningless LinkedIn Profile Descriptors, I shared some of the more common buzz words people use to describe their professional qualities. The words we think managers want to hear; the words that we think will convince employers that we’re smarter and more productive than we are.

And while these buzz-words might be an accepted form of self-marketing who are we really kidding? The truth comes out soon enough. If upon your first performance review, your manager could go back and rewrite your LinkedIn profile, what would she write? Would she use the same descriptors that you did? I suspect they would be a lot more honest that you were. So let’s role play for a moment and rewrite them now.

These are the 12 most honest profile descriptors of employees… if written honestly… by their managers.

1. I talk VERY loudly on the phone

2. I add 10 minutes to every break

3. I heat leftover fish in the lunchroom microwave

4. I gossip about everyone

5. I steal office supplies

6. Half my work day is spent on Farmville

7. I take credit for other people’s ideas

8. I only know half of what I claim

9. My references are really my Mom and Dad

10. I populate everyone’s email folder with jokes and kittens

11. Julia Roberts guesting on The View requires a “sick-day”

12. I turn into a promiscuous drunk at office Christmas parties

These buzz words are the equivalent of a first date. You put on your nicest outfit including your “good underwear”, brush your teeth twice and ensure you’re on your best behavior to make that good impression. Then six weeks into the relationship, you’re back to sweat pants, your “comfortable underwear” and farting in bed.

Are you a manager? How would you rewrite your staff’s LinkedIn profile descriptors?

If you liked this article, please give it a thumbs up  in Stumbleupon. Thanks!

Featured image courtesy of mariosundar licensed via Creative Commons.

Sam Fiorella

http://www.senseiwisdom.com/

Sam Fiorella is a globetrotting interactive marketing strategist who has earned his stripes over the past 20 years in senior management roles with corporate sales &marketing teams as well as consulting for more than 30 marketing agencies. Sam’s experience with over 1600 Interactive projects during the past 15 years spans the government, finance & insurance, manufacturing, national retail and travel/tourism sectors. Currently, Sam is the Chief Strategy Sensei at Sensei Marketing, where he is charged with strategic campaign guidance and marketing technology development that power the Sensei Customer Lifecycle Methodology. Sam is a respected blogger and popular keynote speaker on marketing, branding and social media communications having presented at more than 200 conferences in the past 2 years. Follow Sam on Twitter or Connect with him on LinkedIn.

468 ad
22 comments
Steve Birkett
Steve Birkett

Reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Homer interviews at the nuclear plant,. Answering the question "What are your weaknesses?", he replies: " Well, it takes me a long time to learn anything, I'm kind of a goof-off ....little stuff starts disappearing from the office..." I've always wondered how an interviewer would respond to such reckless honesty! Thanks for the chuckle, Sam.

Latest blog post:

DixieLil
DixieLil

 @samfiorella ROFL, I've come across some in those in your cast of characters.  I'd like to add one description. 13. Appears to be your confidante, but then discloses all your secrets to the boss. 

jodineibeme
jodineibeme

I don't really fit into any of these descriptions. I am trying to get a job.  I hope no one thinks of me as one of these. My profile is as honest as it can be.

TonyBennett
TonyBennett

Haha, this was a very entertaining post. I think the farmville reference is supposed to represent the too much time on social media during work hours. That's the one where I'm guilty as charged!

onlymarketing
onlymarketing

@lenarobinson thanks for the retweet, hope you enjoyed!

Peg Fitzpatrick
Peg Fitzpatrick

Ahh so entertaining Sam! 

 

These reasons are some of the few that I am also very glad to be working at home now. I would add people getting calls on their cell phones all day with a loud, stupid ringtone. No one needs to hear that.

dbvickery
dbvickery

I must always remember to not be sipping a beverage when reading your posts, Sam. I just caught the list at a glance and almost spewed - because we all recognize "those people" ;)

 

Now about that kitten thing - yes, I am guilty of posting a few. Check out my Pinterest for more. Funny thing is...I'm NOT a cat person. We have pet dogs, and I still wish they were pet rocks on some days!

samfiorella
samfiorella

 @Steve Birkett If a job candidate reports that "little stuff starts disappearing from the office"...I'd write 'em a letter of recommenation and send them to my competitor. <evil grin>

samfiorella
samfiorella

 @DixieLil  OH! Yes! That is diagnosed as StabYouInTheBackitis. Saddly, it's as prevelent as the common cold in most work places.

samfiorella
samfiorella

 @SociallyGenius I actually don't have a problem with social media usage during work hours  - if it's channelled. Reading blogs, engaging on Twitter from time to time during the work day can be useful if the people and content you engage in is related to education, brand promotion or customer service. Even off-topic blogging can be helpful to clear your head, get your refocused, etc. Farmville and their ilk are simply mind numbing time wasters. (and annoying as hell)

LenaRobinson
LenaRobinson

@onlymarketing It made me giggle, thanks :)

samfiorella
samfiorella

 @Milaspage  I don't thing we recognize the less-than-professional qualities in ourselves.

janetcallaway
janetcallaway

Absolutely agree with you  @dbvickery never to be sipping a beverage when reading one of Sam's posts. As soon as I saw the title, I knew to put my coffee on the desk.

Adsense