12 Most Convincing Reasons for Having Kids Later in Life

12 Most Convincing Reasons for Having Kids Later in Life

At the end of the day, we all live the life we live and there are no definitive rights or wrongs. But we certainly have our own thoughts and opinions on why or how we have done things in our lives.

Looking back now, I am incredibly thankful I had no children at a young age. I feel that I would have messed the kid up and therefore that would have messed me up.

My wife Annie, is 40, and I am 35; we’ve made the conscious decision to try and have one child now. After getting pregnant in November 2011, which was followed by a miscarriage, we are now pregnant again. Regardless of the outcome, Annie and I are very interested in “parenting,” “mentoring,” and “education” as a whole and understand the importance and value that these things bring to our society… and the future.

All that being said, below are some of the positive reasons we came up with (through many conversations) about why having a child this late in the game can be a good thing.

1. You can get all the partying out of your system before your kid comes along

2. You’ve been around the block and learned some good lessons about life and how things work (wisdom)

3. You’ve spent time building a career and have moved down your path a ways

4. You’ve learned the merit of patience and tolerance

5. You’ve learned more about priorities, what deserves stressing out about and what doesn’t (don’t stress the small stuff)

6. You’re more open minded (hopefully!)

7. You understand that having a child doesn’t end your life — you’ve established your lifestyle and are comfortable living it

8. You’re more established in your friendships and your community

9. Your marital relationship is typically more seasoned and stronger

10. You’re better off financially

11. You have more self-confidence

12. You’ve seen what works and what doesn’t, since most of your friends and family have already had kids

If you feel I left something out, I’d love to hear it. And if you feel one of the reasons listed was bogus, I’d appreciate your thoughts on that too!

Featured image courtesy of  Captain Kimo via Creative Commons.

Matthew Browne

http://www.matthewliberty.com

Matt is living the California dream with his wife Annie; they live on the Central Coast where they love to adventure and strive to make a dent in their online and off line communities! Being in the heart of California wine country, Matt & Annie take advantage of the all the sunshine and wine experiences available to them. Matt is a social media enthusiast with lots of Twitter and Facebook experience and heading over to Google+ as well. Matt has spent two years blogging at Hoot 'n Annie, a lifestyle blog and at an opinion and motivational blog. He's been a business owner for 6+ years and enjoys the independence that this brings.

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27 comments
marvan20002002
marvan20002002

How about some convincing reasons to not wait.

I am 56.  Although I work out six days a week,  I could still die in my 60s while my two sons are still just in their 20s.  I don't think it was worth waiting to take the risk I might not have that much time to spend with my family.  I could die without my sons and I ever really knowing each other.


Also, the longer  a man waits, the more likely he will father a child who develops Asperger's Syndrome.  If you don't know what it is, Google it.  I know what anguish Asperger's can cause, although my son who has Asperger's will probably be able to cope better than many in his position.


If you think you'll have more money to handle a family if you wait, that probably isn't so.  Chances are, you won't be any better financially to handle the situation at 40 than were are at age 25 or 30. The cost of raising a family will require the same percentage of your income regardless of your salary.

davidbcrowley
davidbcrowley

Good list, Matt! I think we qualify for "late in life" parenting, too. I was 37 & my wife 35 when our lad arrived. One I'd add is travel--we got do a fair amount both in the US & Europe with it being just two of us. (including lots of trips to CA wine country!). Definitely wasn't much travel in the first 6 years or so of parenting other than trips to see the grandparents and driving to Cape Cod. Now that he's a bit older we're getting that travel bug a bit again...

ColbyMy
ColbyMy

Those all sound like wise decisions, but after living thru it, I can say things will never turn out the way you'd like or expect but stay positive and express your love. Kids need examples and everyone could use practice. You'll see love concurs all

dbvickery
dbvickery

We had our first kid in our mid-20s, and both daughters were just 20 months apart. We have no regrets and are already looking forward to empty nest (even though we love our Vickery girls and sharing as much time with them as we can).

 

However, I think you have some excellent points, Matt. There is a lot to be said for #9, #10 and #12!

CyberlandGal
CyberlandGal

Great post! I had my daughter when I was 41 and had an established career in communications. That has given me the flexibility to consult from home part-time while she was a baby and in preschool. I feel tremendously lucky. Of note, however, I've had a few career women ask me how I managed to get pregnant past 40. Nature, nothing more. The pained expression I've gotten in response reveals an important pitfall to waiting to have kids later in life... perhaps waiting past the point of pregnancy being biologically feasible.

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

@dabarlow Thanks for tweeting that 12Most article, Happy Saturday Denise

WineEveryday
WineEveryday

Very insightful post. So sorry to hear of your loss, but very excited to hear you are expecting again!

I am a believer that becoming a parent after you are 'an established adult' {what ever that age is} is better all around.

I like #7 the best, Having a child brings a whole new dimension to your life.

cheers & best of everything to you, Annie & the little one.

dabarlow
dabarlow

Congrats!!!!! So excited... Great reasons Matt.

BruceSallan
BruceSallan

As an older father - my first son was born 4 days after I turned 40 - I can say I've had a great time. BUT, I have an incredible amount of energy. I would NOT recommend waiting past your early 30's especially if you might want a larger family. I really would have loved to have had a girl but after two boys, my wife and I drifted apart and later divorced. By the time I remarried - in my fifties - the boat had most certainly left the dock...

 

I believe in my heart and soul that the IDEAL time to have kids for men and women is right around 30!

DixieLil
DixieLil

 @MatthewLiberty There are great reasons to have a child at any age. I'm so happy for you and Annie, Matt.  I do, however have to comment on #7 - you may have established a comfortable lifestyle, with freedoms and hobbies that you enjoy. When baby comes along, lifestyles generally change for some time because of the demands of child raising, which become the priority.  Eventually, routines normalize and evolve, with a new lifestyle emerging.  Good luck to you both! 

periwnklz
periwnklz

i REALLY like your 12 reasons. 2, 5 and 12 are my favorites ones. i had twin boys last year at 47! while i wouldn't change anything...however here are 6 reasons not to have kids too late in life: 1) i'm tired, 2) i'm tired, 3) my friends are having grandchildren, 4) i never see my old friends anymore, 5) financial security is still an issue, and 6) fertility treatments are expensive. (a million congrats on your pregnancy!!!)

sharongreenthal
sharongreenthal

Congratulations of your pregnancy! This is a very interesting list. I agree with @HeleneKremer the toughest part is not sleeping. Regarding #8 - friendships can change pretty rapidly once kids come along - you'll meet so many new people through your kids! Regarding #12 - there is no way to know what will work with your child until your child is here! What works in other families could possibly be disastrous for yours. 

HeleneKremer
HeleneKremer

um, you forgot about the one about how much sleep you've had before baby LOL  Once you have kids, sleep is truly a luxury.  At 5-1/2, my son *still* wakes up in the middle of the night...  zzzzzz 

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @ColbyMy Great point...at the end of the day it doesn't matter how old you are when you have kids, it's about the follow through of the parents. There have been great young parents and great older parents. The idea of this post was to outline why it is good for my wife and I to do this later in life. I was a complete bonehead when I was 21/ 25/ 28...wouldn't have been best for the child. Now, at 35 I have found confidence and patience in life that I always seemed to be lacking! Cheers, and thanks for the comment!

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @dbvickery I love that "Vickery girls". As with anything it is all perspective and life experience. It works out well for some to have kids young and it works out for others to have them older...bottom line is that no matter what age we are we need to take responsibility for raising our children and not dumping all that on teachers and the government...but that's a whole separate blog post, LOL. Thanks my friend, I appreciate your thoughts!

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @CyberlandGal Thanks for the comment and I totally agree. I guess at the end of the day we each make our own choices and we should be respectful of people's choices so long as they are not hurting anyone. The fact that we waited until I am 35 and my wife is 40 to have children is our choice and I know we will do a great job with it, so for those that have said anything against that is just over my head. Live and let be. Cheers and thank you again for the comment!!

dabarlow
dabarlow

@MatthewLiberty Happy Day to you, @AnnieBrowne and lil Browne!!!

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @WineEveryday Thanks for the comment, and yes...I just feel that age brings wisdom, patience, and insight that younger folks just don't have yet!! Life is an adventure!

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @BruceSallan Howdy Bruce!! Thankfully we are not wanting a large family, one and done for us. I would agree that early 30's would most likely ideal, but at the end of the day, whether you have kids at 20 or 40 it all comes down to parents being accountable and responsible. The thing that irks the hell out of me are those parents that aren't active in their kids lives. It's not up to teachers and our government to raise kids...it's parents. Annie and I feel like we are in the right place, right time, and right age to have this child and we're looking forward to the adventure!! Cheers Bruce!

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @DixieLil Thank you so much Lily. I do understand your point to number 7, but I have found that Annie and I (being older and a little more seasoned than the 20 year old having kids) are pretty good at dealing with situations and the general curve balls of life. Even though we know some things will change obviously, we enjoy doing what we enjoy doing...whether that's traveling, going to the coast, or enjoying times with friends. These are things that may slow upon the initial arrival of baby, but these are things we are going to keep in our life because they are the things that mean so much to us. I think too many parents fall into parenting without really understanding that you can still live a lifestyle that resembles your life prior to baby...sure it takes effort, but it's effort we are willing to put in. At the same time, we look at having a baby as the newest of our adventures and we look forward to be parents the way that we want to be parents and not falling in to that status quo life...time will tell. Cheers Lily, and thank you again!!

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @periwnklz Thank you very much!! And your list to not have them later in life is great, although I still think the list to not have kids too young far outweighs all that. All that being said, congrats on your twins and thank you!! We are very excited and not allowing the naysayers to screw with us!! Cheers to health, wealth, and happiness!!

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @sharongreenthal  @HeleneKremer Hi there Sharon...I do agree. In regards to #12 I was coming from the idea that the more you see the more you learn, what works and doesn't work for others may not be the same for us...but having the ability to see so much can lessen the blow so to speak. In terms of #8 I feel that my wife and I have built a group of friends that are more like family and I don't foresee that changing, although more of the outer fringe friendships will most likely be impacted. I appreciate your thoughts and we are extremely excited for our new journey...our philosophy is that life is an adventure, and this should only add to that! :-) Cheers!

MatthewLiberty
MatthewLiberty

 @HeleneKremer LOL, there is indeed the sleep issue. Luckily I survive on little sleep but the bigger picture is the amazement of parenthood...we look forward to the ups and downs, the challenges and the rewards!! Cheers Helene!!

AnnieBrowne
AnnieBrowne

Thanks, and to YOU! Cheers!!! @dabarlow Happy Day to you, @AnnieBrowne and lil Browne!!! @MatthewLiberty

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