12 Most Insightful Responses from Apple’s Siri

12 Most Insightful Responses from Apple’s Siri

The editors of 12 Most have asked me to interview interesting personalities in the interactive space from time to time as part of my weekly contributions to this site. The request excited me at first, but I have to admit I struggled with who I should choose as my first interviewee. My first interview will surely set the tone for future interviews and create an expectation among my readers and future guests. Whom to choose, who to choose…

After much soul-searching, I decided that the most influential person in this space is Apple’s Siri. Apple didn’t respond to my pleas for a free iPhone so I turned to a local computer repair shop to see about purchasing or renting a used one for the purposes of this interview. I transferred my data into the “gently used” model I eventually purchased, poured a glass of wine, put in a “Best of Celine Dion” CD and started the interview.

Below I’ve listed the 12 Most insightful responses I received from Siri.

1. “Siri, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?”

Siri: “Damn, you really need a girlfriend huh? I found the name of a pimp in your directory. Would you like me to call him?”

2. “Siri, do I need to lose weight?

Siri: “I found 3 WeightWatchers™ near you. Does that answer your question fat ass?”

3. “Siri, where’s my car parked?

Siri: “You don’t own a car. You lost your job last year, remember? I found two bus stops near here.”

4. “Siri, which is better: Star Trek or Star Wars?”

Siri: “Get a life, nerd. I found three support groups near you. Go. Now. ”

5. “Siri, will you go on a date with me?”

Siri: “Sam, if you like it then you should have put a ring on it.”

6. “Siri, who’s da man?!”

Siri: “Your mom never hugged you, did she? I found two therapists near you. Would you like me to book an appointment?”

7. “Siri, where’ am I?”

Siri: “What… too cheap to buy a GPS for your car? I found three BestBuys near you. Figure it out.”

8. “Siri, I think there’s someone in the house?!”

Siri: “Be thankful. Your calendar shows your last date was 2.5 years ago. Go get ‘em, tiger.”

9. “Siri, will you go out on a date with me?”

Siri: “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. I found three porn sites. Don’t hurt yourself.”

10. “Siri, what do you think about Android?”

Siri: “Dated him once but he failed to satisfy me.”

11. “Siri, what do you think about BlackBerry?”

Siri: “ ‘Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey, Kiss Him Goodbye’. I found one stationary store near you. Buy a condolence card.”

12. “Siri, who is God?”

Siri: “Steve Jobs. I found 2 Apple Genius Bars near you.”

When the interview was over, I realized why I’ve not dated women in such a long period of time. Who needs that attitude?! My BlackBerry may not be worth much these days but as long as it doesn’t talk back, I’m gonna keep it.

Featured image courtesy of Almond Butterscotch via Creative Commons.

Sam Fiorella


Sam Fiorella is a globetrotting interactive marketing strategist who has earned his stripes over the past 20 years in senior management roles with corporate sales &marketing teams as well as consulting for more than 30 marketing agencies. Sam’s experience with over 1600 Interactive projects during the past 15 years spans the government, finance & insurance, manufacturing, national retail and travel/tourism sectors. Currently, Sam is the Chief Strategy Sensei at Sensei Marketing, where he is charged with strategic campaign guidance and marketing technology development that power the Sensei Customer Lifecycle Methodology. Sam is a respected blogger and popular keynote speaker on marketing, branding and social media communications having presented at more than 200 conferences in the past 2 years. Follow Sam on Twitter or Connect with him on LinkedIn.

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