12 Most One Dimensional Thoughts in a Man’s Head
Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. Women want to cuddle, men just want sex. Women plan their grocery lists, men only buy groceries when what’s in the fridge turns green. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.
For every man and woman on this planet, there’s been a statement about how different they are. Entire industries have been created to help understand the dynamics between the sexes… and frankly, it’s not really moved the needle at all.
For you women out there spending a gazillion dollars on books and magazines in hopes of breaking the code, allow me to save you some money. There’s really only one thing you need to know: men are not at all complicated. We’re simple creatures. If we’re seen as complicated, it’s only because women are transferring their analysis upon us, which only serves to confuse us. What you see as complicated is really just confusion at what you’re saying, what you’re asking and what point you’re trying to make. We’re truly one-dimensional beings.
Don’t believe me? Well below are the most common thoughts in a man’s brain at any given point in a day. Take a read and then let me know how complicated you think we are.
1. “Is she talking to me? I can’t tell… oh well I’m hungry”
3. “Yup, that’s my fart. You like it and you know it”
4. “Is it time for sex?”
5. “What was I supposed to get at the store? Oh well…”
6. “Wait, have I had sex yet today?”
7. “Beer? Diet? Beer? Diet? Beer it is”
8. “Oh yeah, she’d definitely have sex with me”
9. “I can totally hit that urinal if I stand way back here”
10. “ (this space intentionally left blank) ”
11. “Better get back to work”
12. “…guess I’m gonna have to have sex by myself”
Anything more than this is and the thought isn’t really ours… it’s yours. They’d be your thoughts that you hope we’re thinking. You’ve subliminally planted them. We’re just trying to process them.
Featured image courtesy of shaun wong via Creative Commons.