12 Most One Dimensional Thoughts in a Man’s Head

12 Most One Dimensional Thoughts in a Man’s Head

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. Women want to cuddle, men just want sex. Women plan their grocery lists, men only buy groceries when what’s in the fridge turns green. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

For every man and woman on this planet, there’s been a statement about how different they are. Entire industries have been created to help understand the dynamics between the sexes… and frankly, it’s not really moved the needle at all.

For you women out there spending a gazillion dollars on books and magazines in hopes of breaking the code, allow me to save you some money. There’s really only one thing you need to know: men are not at all complicated. We’re simple creatures. If we’re seen as complicated, it’s only because women are transferring their analysis upon us, which only serves to confuse us. What you see as complicated is really just confusion at what you’re saying, what you’re asking and what point you’re trying to make. We’re truly one-dimensional beings.

Don’t believe me? Well below are the most common thoughts in a man’s brain at any given point in a day. Take a read and then let me know how complicated you think we are.

1. “Is she talking to me? I can’t tell… oh well I’m hungry”

2. “Sex?”

3. “Yup, that’s my fart. You like it and you know it”

4. “Is it time for sex?”

5. “What was I supposed to get at the store? Oh well…”

6. “Wait, have I had sex yet today?”

7. “Beer? Diet? Beer? Diet? Beer it is”

8. “Oh yeah, she’d definitely have sex with me”

9. “I can totally hit that urinal if I stand way back here”

10. “  (this space intentionally left blank)  ”

11. “Better get back to work”

12. “…guess I’m gonna have to have sex by myself”

Anything more than this is and the thought isn’t really ours… it’s yours. They’d be your thoughts that you hope we’re thinking. You’ve subliminally planted them. We’re just trying to process them.

Featured image courtesy of shaun wong via Creative Commons.

Sam Fiorella


Sam Fiorella is a globetrotting interactive marketing strategist who has earned his stripes over the past 20 years in senior management roles with corporate sales &marketing teams as well as consulting for more than 30 marketing agencies. Sam’s experience with over 1600 Interactive projects during the past 15 years spans the government, finance & insurance, manufacturing, national retail and travel/tourism sectors. Currently, Sam is the Chief Strategy Sensei at Sensei Marketing, where he is charged with strategic campaign guidance and marketing technology development that power the Sensei Customer Lifecycle Methodology. Sam is a respected blogger and popular keynote speaker on marketing, branding and social media communications having presented at more than 200 conferences in the past 2 years. Follow Sam on Twitter or Connect with him on LinkedIn.

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Martin D Redmond
Martin D Redmond

Well I know what my #6 is!  And yes...it's sex-related! Great list Sam!

Yvonne Root
Yvonne Root



You only mentioned SEX 6 times if you count the intentional blank spot -- which I do. By my count you left out 6 times a man would be thinking about sex, even if he is thinking about beer or a urinal feat or anything else.


You were probably hoping we women wouldn't notice. But I did. I've been married way too long to mess up on this issue. :) Nice try though.


What's wrong with stuff in the fridge being green...is that a bad thing? #9...like writing your name in the snow. Without the snow, but with a target and distance, and how cool is that?!? Fun post as always, Sam.


OMG Sam, you can make me laugh out loud all alone in my office.  Wonderfully, insanely honest. PLEASE, PLEASE right a book: Women are from Venus, Men Want Sex.


Ha! I will carry the list in my wallet and refer to it every time I mistakenly start to think he has something more on his mind. This is an invaluable resource.