12 Most Annoying Things My Dad Does
My dad is constantly doing things that drive me crazy. I seem to never catch a break from his weirdness! He must have just been born to be annoying and embarrassing. There are so many things that he does that annoy me, I decided to make a list of the top 12 most annoying things that he does.
Note from Bruce: My son, Aaron Sallan, “graciously” chose to write this column for me and 12Most.com…Lucky ME! I have not edited any of his choices or words. I will add a “note” here and there — in my defense. IF you have teens, and I’ve got two of ’em, then you know what this is all about. It’s amazing how their friends think I’m so cool and they think I’m so lame!
1. He burps
It seems that whenever he takes a sip of any type of drink, he just HAS to make a burp out of it. And not only is it a burp, he adds a word to it like “Ralph,” for some stupid reason.
Note from Bruce: When I was Aaron’s age, we used to go to the world-famous Tommy’s Burgers, which was then ONLY near downtown Los Angeles. One of our friends was “famous” for getting a loaded chili burger and a Coke. He’d wolf down the burger and then take a straw to the bottle of coke — “the real thing” – and in one gulp, finish it off. We’d wait. And wait. The tension was so thick you could cut the air with it. Then, when he was ready and it had “percolated” enough, out would come the “RrrAAaaaLLLlllpppHHHHH!” Hence, my inspiration to do the same EVER since.
2. He sings
My Dad is always singing. He sings about what he is doing, or sings popular songs, but never ONCE gets the lyrics right.
Note from Bruce: I’m one of those dads that once I know something annoys my son — in this case mostly Aaron — I then LOVE to do it again and again. I actually know the lyrics to a couple of songs, like Happy Birthday and several Elvis songs!
3. He doesn’t know how to drive
My dad breaks every traffic rule there is in the book. I am constantly tensing up and freaking out because of how often he almost gets in an accident.
Note from Bruce: Yipes! I haven’t gotten in an accident since he was a baby. He’s just a nervous nelly!
4. He doesn’t know how to text
Whenever he is on his phone, he takes 10 hours to write a single message because he only uses one finger to type instead of actually learning how to text.
5. He doesn’t shower
My dad does shower, but it only lasts for a minute. He probably doesn’t even get clean.
Note from Bruce: I shower whenever I need to. At least once a month. Plus, since I have very little hair, it takes less time and I care about conserving our water! Sheesh…
6. He talks… and talks… and talks… and talks… and talks…
My Dad and I will be in the car talking and all of a sudden, he will get something in his head to start on about, and goes on for 20 min, finally saying, “Wait, what were we talking about before?”
Note from Bruce: I’m busted!
7. He smells
He will wear the same clothes three times in a row! And workout and get sweaty each time! Soooo smelly.
Note from Bruce: No comment.
8. He says “LOL”
I don’t even say “LOL.” But he always writes it in text messages or on Facebook like a 12-year-old girl.
Note from Bruce: So? I also use BTW, TTYL, WTF, and IH2P (I have to pee)! So what?!!
9. He takes up the whole couch
Whenever we are going to watch TV, he sits right in the middle. And when I ask him to move, he barely does, cuz his fat butt takes up so much space.
Note from Bruce: I love you too, Aaron.
10. He wears weird clothes
My dad will come home from Vegas with an Elvis shirt and a big colored hat. He thinks he is so cool! But he really looks kind of stupid…
Note from Bruce: Excuse me! My Elvis shirt is a classic and so are all my aloha shirts!
11. He is picky
Whenever we have salad with our dinner and I am setting the table with the white bowls, he always has to switch it to the BROWN bowls cuz those are his special salad bowls.
12. He rubs his gross stomach in my face
He is always taking off his shirt and trying to rub his gross stomach all over my face!
Note from Bruce: Well, there you have it. In one short post, the truth is revealed about me directly from my expert 15-year-old son. I believe the best thing in life is the fact that most kids end up having kids of their own. I can’t wait!
Featured image courtesy of Bruce Sallan.