P.S. Since you're SO polite taking someone's business card you don't even want....ever think of recycling it so its not on your "concience"?
12 Most Offensive Phrases You Could Use in Your Business
Listening to most business people talk makes me cringe. They purposely sprinkle their language with fancy schmancy catch phrases and five dollar words in what I can only assume is an effort to make up for years of being picked last in kickball. Could you be one of them?
Let’s take a look at 12 of the most offending phrases and find out…
1. Out of the box
Are you an “out of the box” thinker? Guess again. If you actually use the phrase out of the box for anything other than making fun of people that say out of the box, you are about as inside the box as you can get. You know that stray styrofoam peanut that gets wedged under the inside flap deep inside the box? Yeah, that’s you.
2. I’m a guru
Please don’t call yourself a guru just because you are pretty good at something. You aren’t a guru. If you think you are, clearly you don’t know what a guru is. It’s not clever. Nobody takes you seriously. We’re not impressed. Perhaps you should call yourself a unicorn instead. It’s equally as absurd.
3. My two cents
Is that all your advice is worth? If you don’t think that what you are about to say is worth more than 2 cents, what am I supposed to think of it? I’ll tell you what, how about you keep your 2 cents and only speak up when you are ready with your $2 million dollar advice?
4. Let me give you my card
If I wanted your card, I would have asked for it. Now you’ve not only killed a tree but because I’m going to throw away your card the second you turn around, you’ve now put it on my concience. How about this. Make me want to ask you for your card instead. Try spending more than a few minutes with me. Learn who I am. Tell me something really interesting about yourself. This is called building a relationship.
5. Literally
I am literally going to gouge my eyes out with a dull butter knife if you continue to use the word “literally” when you literally mean figuratively. Seriously.
6. It’s not rocket science
Is this the official measurement that determines if something is difficult nowadays? It’s not rocket science. I bet it’s not a bologna sandwich either so why not use that instead? Because it doesn’t make any sense? Gotcha.
7. We have synergy
Peanut butter and chocolate have synergy. You and some guy that you just met at a local networking event do not. And telling them that you feel synergy in an effort to sell something to them or their clients is pretty crummy.
8. Social media ROI
Stop talking about ROI when it comes to social media. Social media is meant for building relationships. If that turns into business, great. If it doesn’t, great. It shouldn’t be your sole purpose. We, as your customers, friends and followers are offended by it. Ask your spouse what the ROI on your marriage is and let me know how it goes.
9. State of the art
You can’t describe something that is state of the art with a phrase that is not state of the art.
10. New media
Newsflash! The Internet is well over 20 years old. Google is almost 15 years old. Facebook is 8 years old. This is not new media. It’s media. Stop pretending like you created this new form of marketing and interaction to share with the world. You are using the same tools as the rest of us.
11. Cyberspace
Would you please just call it the Internet already? I think that pretty much covers this one.
12. To be honest with you
No, I would prefer that you lie to me. The problem with saying “to be honest with you” insinuates that everything else you have said up until this point has been a complete and utter lie. For example, I have the ability to communicate with sea urchins but to be honest with you, I really like hot dogs.
So, how did you fare? Don’t worry if you failed. We’re all guilty of blurting out a phrase or two at some point or another. Besides, who’s to say I’m even right? It’s just my 2 cents.
Featured image courtesy of Jimmy Prescott licensed via Creative Commons.
Marc Ensign
I should warn you. I am not a Guru, Jedi, Rock Star or a Ninja. I'm just a guy that knows an awful lot about a bunch of stuff and I like to tell stories about it on my blog. I tend to write mostly about social media, Internet Marketing, SEO, blogging, life, business and the fuzzy stuff in between your toes. I think my stuff is really good. You'll like it…trust me. You should really check it out otherwise I might be highly offended.
237 comments
I find terms like 'Blue sky thinking' and 'build a strawman' irritating. You enter a meeting and someone makes the statement, 'we need some blue sky thinking.' Oh please just say it like it is, we need ideas! :0)
pretty gay post. get on with life.. if you have one, that is. (remember, i'm doing you a favor)
1 Like
Thank you so much!!! Not only have you done me a favor, but you have done this entire community, if not the entire world, a favor. You have somehow made calling someone "gay" as a viable insult cool again! Not since third grade have I heard someone use that with such finesse and forwarding thinking. Bravo Mr. Tomorrow. Bravo.
@MarcEnsign your passive sarcasm by the way is pretty gay too. and what's with obsessing over correct punctuation! i gotta admit i'm a little dumb but i'd prefer it over being gay. i'm not talking about sexual orientation in any way, i just mean you're lame.
@MarcEnsign Are we sure there are even enough books in a library to weave this sort of magic? I'm not confident on this one.
I'd much rather be seen as "lame" than be dumb. Publicly admit that I'm dumb. And be OK with being dumb. My suggestion is to get far away from this blog and go to your nearest library. It's the place with all of the books in it. Books are those rectangle things with writing in them. Don't leave until you have read enough so you are no longer dumb. And ignorant. I'll throw that one in for good measure as well.
@MarcEnsign so says a person who thinks "Let me give you my card." is an "offensive phrase". sure man, whatever keeps you happy
@thegatesoftomorrow Do yourself a 'favor' and learn how to capitalize, punctuate, and comment with some kind of common sense.
Latest blog post: Music Marketing Matters: 6 Secrets To Gathering Fan Data
Is it really bad of me to have chuckled through a lot of the comments-especially the troll ones.
Latest blog post: We All Invade Each Others Space
Sherry,think ROI means return on investment..... or perhaps they meant republic of Ireland which is a misnomer as it excludes a crucial part of our Island Nation. in any event it is interesting to read peoples views even if one does not agree with them. that is what makes this world interesting!
@amberrisme I agree that some people may have difficulty communicating and overuse irritating phrases. If you move back from this minutia, we have much large issues to deal with than criticizing speech patterns. It seems sophomoric in my opinion.
1 Like
Bravo! Loved every single one of these. I hate the word "guru" unless someone is joking.
I hate when people try to use big words:for example, "Utilize" just say USE. Utilize does not give it any more emphasis than use.
@Skaggins I always follow that with "...I sleep." But some may use that phrase 2 mean something like "ultimately, it all boils down to..."
I do think I say "To be honest with you"...actually, it just comes out as "Honestly, I would...". I used to use the rocket science saying...just to point out that it doesn't have to be complicated. I've dropped that one when realizing it is pretty insulting.I think my skin might crawl if someone said we had synergy. And one of the things I dread most at networking events is "let me give you my card". I'd rather just get their Twitter ID which would take me to their outstandingly complete Twitter profile with a link to a blog/LinkedIn profile.
2 Like
@dbvickery Most of the time when people say "Honestly, I would" is a big red flag they are lying. Maybe this comes from years of skepticism in sales.
@amberrisme Hah, except I cannot tell a lie (grew up with that Washington/apple tree story). I've also led with "Truthfully,..."
I agree with all of these except numbers 6 and 9. In answer to your question, "Is [rocket science] the official measurement that determines if something is difficult nowadays?"; yes, it is. When you say something is NOT rocket science, you are saying it shouldn't be as difficult as someone else it proclaiming it to be. I find this to be a valid use of a useful term.
About "state of the art"; if I cannot describe something that is state of the art using the phrase "state of the art", exactly how do I describe it?
@Ace I disagree. Rocket science is not very difficult to a rocket scientist. But I'd like to see you be a bologna sandwich! They don't even have schools for that you know! Where would you go to become a bologna sandwich? Now THAT'S tough.
One more addition - taking something to "the next level". Also, saying something is "table stakes". An observation too - outrage experienced over use of these buzzwords changes depending on who utters them.
@davidfoertsch Agreed! "taking it to the next level" should only be used when playing Q*Bert!
(10 bonus points for using Q*Bert in a sentence!)
@MarcEnsign Q*Bert. Classic! I knew I knew it in the dark recesses of my mind, and when I googled it, wham! A flashback!
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You missed "It is what it is"! I just want to shake them and say "But what IS it! Explain yourself!"
@MarcEnsign Sometimes "it is what is it is" is kind of self-explanatory, but not something to use in business.
@Lucy_Bourne those were pretty funny. I think we were also dangerously close to using out-of-the-box on our website at one point...
@davetuckface Oh dear. I used it about an hour ago in relation to our CRM software. "Synergy" and "essentially" are my pet hates... #fussy
I was really worried you were missing the most tiresome phrase, until I got to number 12, and then felt relieved other people felt the same way as I do about this conjunction of five words.
The last person, who used it in conversation with me was confirming he lied all the time, and I didn't discover the fact until some three months later - no cost to me on the money side, but loss of time and effort. He no longer works in my organisation.
@LaurenceLowne "To be honest with you" should almost always be replaced with "I am totally BS-ing you so I can get your x, y, or z".
@marcensign Hmm. Wednesdays? That gives me some ideas. Ever think about accepting a guest post? I can email you some details.
1 Like
@joeb3219 I'm open but it's going to be tough to convince me. This is my sacred ground.
@marcensign Can you DM me your prefered contact email? I'll send you the proposal (No, Marc, not that kind, sheesh).
Let’s be social!
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