12 Most Manly Reasons Men are Smarter than Women

12 Most Manly Reasons Men are Smarter than Women

When the folks at 12 Most reached out to me to ask if I would be willing to represent my gender by writing this post, my first thought was “Of course! Who else is better equipped to speak for men everywhere than me?” My second thought was something about having to sleep on the couch for the next few months.

So please allow me to preface this by saying to women everywhere (and by women everywhere, I mean my wife) that this is meant to be funny. If you aren’t up for having a little fun for the next 5-10 minutes, you may want to read something else.

1. Comedy

Women like romantic comedies. Which is odd because if I ever said anything funny to my wife during a romantic life moment, romance would end for me at that very moment. So instead, I had to pretend that I liked Sleepless in Seattle and now I’m stuck watching it every other weekend. Not funny.

2. TV remote

Anything that has 78 buttons on it and makes stuff happen from across the room is pretty freakin’ awesome in my book. My wife can’t handle all of the power and responsibility that comes with the remote. As soon as I walk in the room she hands it over right away and then out of shear exhaustion, she falls right asleep.

3. Guy-speak

When we say “I’m fine,” we’re fine. No, really we are. At least we were for the first 2 or 3 times that you asked. By the fourth time we have no choice but to change our minds and carry on about the time you reprogrammed the radio stations in our car.

4. Stuff

Women don’t realize that stuff makes us happy. No exceptions. One Valentines Day, I had gotten my wife the greatest gift. A Kindle. She looked at me like I had two heads. That night for my present she lit candles while we ate a romantic dessert. And all I could think about was getting my hands on her Kindle. Keep it clean, this is a family-friendly website.

5. Sex

Men want sex. A lot. But on our terms. And our terms don’t include 45 minutes of cuddling. We’ll give you the cuddling every now and then but in exchange we’re going to need you to start reading 50 Shades of Gray.

6. Multitasking

Two words: football. If men aren’t able to multitask then please explain to me how we are able to watch a football game, coach the players through the TV, curse out the referees, drink beer, eat chips and high-five the person next to us while berating the guy across the room that’s wearing the opposing teams jersey.

7. Sharing information

You look great. I don’t even have to look at you to know that you look great. And I love the dress. And yes, you are much prettier than she is. Look, we want to be honest with you but we know what comes with that and it ain’t pretty. Several years ago my wife brought home a baggy shirt (that I later dubbed “The Flying Squirrel Shirt”) and asked if I liked it. I reluctantly said no. Now she is forever asking me what shirt she should wear. Sometimes it’s just easier to go out with your wife wearing the Squirrel Shirt.

8. Clothing

Somehow, you have made something as simple as getting dressed painfully difficult. Jeans and a t-shirt. Done. Sure, it makes us all look similar. The problem is that women don’t watch those futuristic movies about aliens. If they did they would see that we all end up wearing the silver jumpsuit eventually. We’re just ahead of our time.

9. Weight

We generally don’t care about our weight. If we’re skinny, great. If not, we end up with a belly which isn’t too bad either. We still look hot from behind. Plus, when we fold our arms we can rest them on that nifty little shelf we created out of beer and chicken wings.

10. Jokes

We are hilarious. Sure, our jokes are usually some bastardized version of something we caught on TV but we’re still pretty great at telling them and let’s face it, it’s all in the delivery! As further proof, you always laugh at our jokes so we must be hysterical. And if you are faking it, we’re pretty much OK with that too.

11. The C-word

Did you really think I was going to go there? No, the C-word is cry. Women use crying as a way to get back at us for something we did; to manipulate us into cleaning the house or something. Men are much more sophisticated. We’ll hold onto whatever it is that you did to us for years and then break it out the next time we want to hang out with our friends while your parents are visiting.

12. Work

Ok, I’ll give you this one. We have no idea how you are able to work and take care of the house and kids at the same time. My wife once ran into a store and left me and the kids waiting in the car for about 20 minutes. By the time she came out it looked more like the final scene of an episode of The A-Team with cars overturned, stuff on fire and one of my kids with a mohawk.

Extra for good measure.

Phone

I know this is 12 Most but as a man, I’m an overachiever. Men love gadgets. While women are busy doing lame stuff on their phones like entering events into their calendar and keeping track of things like our children, we’ve almost made it to the end of Angry Birds Space. Let’s see women do that.

For the female point of view, you can get it here: 12 Most Obvious Reasons Women are Smarter than Men

Featured image courtesy of Rob Boudon licensed via Creative Commons.


Marc Ensign

http://www.marcensign.com

I should warn you. I am not a Guru, Jedi, Rock Star or a Ninja. I'm just a guy that knows an awful lot about a bunch of stuff and I like to tell stories about it on my blog. I tend to write mostly about social media, Internet Marketing, SEO, blogging, life, business and the fuzzy stuff in between your toes. I think my stuff is really good. You'll like it…trust me. You should really check it out otherwise I might be highly offended.

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41 comments
guy
guy

None of this really makes men "smarter". It just makes men different. There are some things men are naturally better at, and some things women are better at. This list just points out mostly stuff that interests (or doesn't interest) men and not women.

AmyZep
AmyZep

"Men want sex. A lot. But on our terms. And our terms don’t include 45 minutes of cuddling."

So what about our terms? I get it...men are the best, smartest, funniest, and they get everything they want without considering women's thoughts or feelings, even though women constantly take your thoughts and feelings into consideration.  

So what happens if women act this way?  If women say we want everything, but on our terms...what a terrible place the world would be if women were to act like these men.  Oh wait! Maybe men would finally understand the world that women live in.

And by the way...to the women- it doesn't make you a cool girl or "one of the guys" to agree with men like this by insulting, making generalizations, and judging other women.   It only makes you as bad as they are.

DAitlm
DAitlm

Not very funny. Typical "guy" stereotyping. I have no guy friends who watch football, though one of my friends from grade/high school is an assistance coach for the Cardinals.

SJLJ57
SJLJ57

My mother finished all angry birds. So she's a MAN. HAHAHAHA

KellySGamble
KellySGamble

These were great. Fun reading yours and Rachel's back to back.

dbvickery
dbvickery

OK, why does the guy's post start out with an apology? See how we are programmed to get to #5. Speaking of which why is there just #5...oh wait, those other lines have different stuff? Sorry, I got stuck on #5 other than tripping up on that most awesome of words: FOOTBALL

RachelintheOC
RachelintheOC

@RachelintheOC @12Most @MarcEnsign We've pissed someone off enough that he's stopped following me & is making nasty comments. SCORE!

thatkid
thatkid

Haha, this is great. #1 got me. So true...in real life, the moment you make a snarky joke in a romantic situation, well -- to the couch with you!!

jenhornstein
jenhornstein

@reneedobbs @marcensign Marc...you meant "our" butts right? Hehe...had to. You set yourself up for that. :)

RachelintheOC
RachelintheOC

@MarcEnsign @12Most that's right. Campaign for the numbers, fellas.

susansilver
susansilver

Is it bad to say that  multi-tasking is over rated? Just do not see why making yourself worse at two things is better than being mediocre at one thing. 

Lover your sense of humor man, few could pull of a post like this and make me laugh. 

12Most
12Most

Man vs Woman @MarcEnsign do not read @RachelintheOC's latest @12Most post. It's not funny. Read mine instead http://t.co/Ff6XFzJz #12Most

JustLindaSTL
JustLindaSTL

Best line in the post - "We all end up wearing the silver jumpsuit eventually."That touched me way down in the sub-cockles of my heart.  You men, you're deep.  You should put that on the list.  ;)

MarcEnsign
MarcEnsign

@reneedobbs Yay!!! Thanks for the share! We need the help! The girls are kicking out butts!!! @12most

MarcEnsign
MarcEnsign

@PaulBiedermann Hallelujah!!!!!!

MarcEnsign
MarcEnsign

Not for nothing but thanks for hanging us guys out to dry here Paul! Where's the support? No comments? Nothing? Are you even on our side? Maybe you are a mole? C'mon man...we need you!

edenbaylee
edenbaylee

Love #3, 

Are you sure you're fine?

Great post, 

eden

tddfn
tddfn

@BadRedheadMedia @12Most @RachelintheOC @MarcEnsign Depends.

LEAmerman
LEAmerman

"and then out of shear exhaustion, she falls right asleep."  aside from the fact that I am certain your wife does not know how to shear sheep...I'm pretty sure she falls asleep for an entirely different reason.  See, "I'm tired" in @RachelintheOC 's blog.

I'm completely disappointed you did not provide video of you break dancing at your Bar Mitzvah; that would have proved your point without you going to all the trouble of using nouns and verbs.

anitahovey
anitahovey

Sniff...sniff.... Marc...can you come over and help me? I can't seem to turn off this stupid TV, and, sniff...and well, there are supermodels on and they're making me feel fat in my squirrel shirt. SNNNIFFFFF. And... oh...it's fine... but... could you stop being so funny, cuz...SNIFF, I'm trying to bake a cake, clean the toilets, and help the kids with homework, not to mention, SNIFFFFFF, writing stuff for my own business. Thanks... pass the tissues please? And makeup remover?

thatkid
thatkid

@dbvickery Doesn't the lady's start off with an apology too? She says something like "you know this is a humor blog, this is only meant to be funny."

12Most
12Most

@RachelintheOC @MarcEnsign "he's stopped following me & is making nasty comments." Oops.... #12Most

MarcEnsign
MarcEnsign

@RachelintheOC Maybe women are smarter after all :( @12most

PaulBiedermann
PaulBiedermann moderator

@MarcEnsign Hey man, don't panic. Just holding back before we totally slam dunk this thing. I'm sure plenty of guys will be jumping in any time now, sealing our victory as the smarter, funnier, totally all-around more awesome gender. 

Any minute now. Patience… 

Hello? Anybody out there? 

Is this thing on?

Becky Gaylord
Becky Gaylord

@douglaserice I had no idea that you were as funny as @MarcEnsign! (Forced myself to read his post and to Tweet it since you guys were really lagging compared to the share stats for the post by @RachelintheOC (Which we knew would happen, right?)

jebbing9
jebbing9

@PaulBiedermann @marcensign Solid work Marc. If you guys invite me to FarmVille or whatever it is, I'll add my birthday to your calendars.

MarcEnsign
MarcEnsign

@LEAmerman Say what you want, but I was able to really throw down back then, so...

MarcEnsign
MarcEnsign

@CandiSary Thank you!!! It seems like we need all the help we can get on this side!

MarcEnsign
MarcEnsign

@anitahovey Perhaps we need to do another battle of the sexes about how much funnier men are than women. If this is any indication of the best you guys have, I'm not worried. As for us being smarter...

RachelintheOC
RachelintheOC

@MarcEnsign @12Most :) (and you know who I'm talking about, Marc). love ya, babe. this was fun.

MarcEnsign
MarcEnsign

@jebbing9 Sounds like a deal to me! @paulbiedermann

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