12 Most Manly Reasons Men are Smarter than Women
When the folks at 12 Most reached out to me to ask if I would be willing to represent my gender by writing this post, my first thought was “Of course! Who else is better equipped to speak for men everywhere than me?” My second thought was something about having to sleep on the couch for the next few months.
So please allow me to preface this by saying to women everywhere (and by women everywhere, I mean my wife) that this is meant to be funny. If you aren’t up for having a little fun for the next 5-10 minutes, you may want to read something else.
Women like romantic comedies. Which is odd because if I ever said anything funny to my wife during a romantic life moment, romance would end for me at that very moment. So instead, I had to pretend that I liked Sleepless in Seattle and now I’m stuck watching it every other weekend. Not funny.
2. TV remote
Anything that has 78 buttons on it and makes stuff happen from across the room is pretty freakin’ awesome in my book. My wife can’t handle all of the power and responsibility that comes with the remote. As soon as I walk in the room she hands it over right away and then out of shear exhaustion, she falls right asleep.
When we say “I’m fine,” we’re fine. No, really we are. At least we were for the first 2 or 3 times that you asked. By the fourth time we have no choice but to change our minds and carry on about the time you reprogrammed the radio stations in our car.
Women don’t realize that stuff makes us happy. No exceptions. One Valentines Day, I had gotten my wife the greatest gift. A Kindle. She looked at me like I had two heads. That night for my present she lit candles while we ate a romantic dessert. And all I could think about was getting my hands on her Kindle. Keep it clean, this is a family-friendly website.
Men want sex. A lot. But on our terms. And our terms don’t include 45 minutes of cuddling. We’ll give you the cuddling every now and then but in exchange we’re going to need you to start reading 50 Shades of Gray.
Two words: football. If men aren’t able to multitask then please explain to me how we are able to watch a football game, coach the players through the TV, curse out the referees, drink beer, eat chips and high-five the person next to us while berating the guy across the room that’s wearing the opposing teams jersey.
7. Sharing information
You look great. I don’t even have to look at you to know that you look great. And I love the dress. And yes, you are much prettier than she is. Look, we want to be honest with you but we know what comes with that and it ain’t pretty. Several years ago my wife brought home a baggy shirt (that I later dubbed “The Flying Squirrel Shirt”) and asked if I liked it. I reluctantly said no. Now she is forever asking me what shirt she should wear. Sometimes it’s just easier to go out with your wife wearing the Squirrel Shirt.
Somehow, you have made something as simple as getting dressed painfully difficult. Jeans and a t-shirt. Done. Sure, it makes us all look similar. The problem is that women don’t watch those futuristic movies about aliens. If they did they would see that we all end up wearing the silver jumpsuit eventually. We’re just ahead of our time.
We generally don’t care about our weight. If we’re skinny, great. If not, we end up with a belly which isn’t too bad either. We still look hot from behind. Plus, when we fold our arms we can rest them on that nifty little shelf we created out of beer and chicken wings.
We are hilarious. Sure, our jokes are usually some bastardized version of something we caught on TV but we’re still pretty great at telling them and let’s face it, it’s all in the delivery! As further proof, you always laugh at our jokes so we must be hysterical. And if you are faking it, we’re pretty much OK with that too.
11. The C-word
Did you really think I was going to go there? No, the C-word is cry. Women use crying as a way to get back at us for something we did; to manipulate us into cleaning the house or something. Men are much more sophisticated. We’ll hold onto whatever it is that you did to us for years and then break it out the next time we want to hang out with our friends while your parents are visiting.
Ok, I’ll give you this one. We have no idea how you are able to work and take care of the house and kids at the same time. My wife once ran into a store and left me and the kids waiting in the car for about 20 minutes. By the time she came out it looked more like the final scene of an episode of The A-Team with cars overturned, stuff on fire and one of my kids with a mohawk.
Extra for good measure.
I know this is 12 Most but as a man, I’m an overachiever. Men love gadgets. While women are busy doing lame stuff on their phones like entering events into their calendar and keeping track of things like our children, we’ve almost made it to the end of Angry Birds Space. Let’s see women do that.
For the female point of view, you can get it here: 12 Most Obvious Reasons Women are Smarter than Men
Featured image courtesy of Rob Boudon licensed via Creative Commons.