12 Most Obvious Reasons Women are Smarter than Men
If you’ve read either of my books or followed my Twitter stream, you’ll know I’m a humorist. I write satire. If you aren’t up for silliness or have no sense of humor whatsoever, skip this post.
Men like comedy where someone is hit in the nuts. I’m not sure why this is, but if you’re a man, this is funny. If you’re a woman, it’s an eyeroll moment as we quickly go in search of our book or iPod.
2. TV Remote
My guy has eight — yes EIGHT — Apple TV remote controls. He actually numbered them and takes inventory regularly. (Yeah. I know.) This doesn’t necessarily make him dumb. Nope — he’s a very smart guy. It just makes him, well, a guy who spends his time obsessing about electronic pointy thingies. Which is weird.
When we say “I’m fine,” we’re so not. For men who don’t get this, here’s my advice: we are not fine. Suck up. Supply chocolate. And tell us we’re pretty, even when we have a zit.
Men think stuff will make us happy. They (sometimes) buy us flowers, jewelry, furniture, cutlery, whatever. But no — we like that stuff but that’s all it is (except for chocolate). Stuff is their ultimate motivator (grunt, must bring home meat), but newsflash: women want affection. We want to feel loved and cared for MORE than we want that Louis Vuitton handbag (okay, well…). #kidding #kinda
Women want it just as much as men. Here’s a tip: unloading the dishwasher for us is like foreplay. We are SO there. Conversely, washing the cars just doesn’t do it for us. Unless you’re like, naked, and that would be weird.
The argument is that women do more at once but aren’t as focused, whereas men do one thing more effectively with laser focus. Here’s what I say: if you can’t unload the dishwasher while giving us chocolate and interpreting “I’m fine,” we win.
7. Sharing information
No, you did not tell us about that important dinner that’s oh, tonight and the house is a mess and the kids need bathing and let’s not even discuss your nose hair. We tell you all these things because it’s part of our nurturing behavior — we want you to succeed. Not that you don’t want us to — you just don’t think it’s a big deal. Which is dumb.
We keep up with the latest fads and decide what works for us, always striving to look at least halfway decent on a budget, while you wear your tees and jeans til they have holes and then go to Tommy Bahama or Gap for more generic clothing that makes us lose you at the mall as you mix in with all the other guys in tees and jeans. The parrot with the hat and glasses is so over.
You may be able to eat practically anything and not gain weight, but women tend to make the smarter food choices for the family. Which doesn’t mean we don’t sneak in Nutella — which you insist on calling Nutrella — which makes us want to correct you constantly but we don’t cause we don’t want to be a bitch. Even though we’re thinking it. Every time.
Different than comedy. We laugh at your jokes because we know it’s good for your self-esteem. You don’t laugh at ours, mostly cause you either don’t get them, don’t think we’re that funny, or haven’t figured out what “I’m tired” means either. Get back to us on that.
11. The C-word
Women are not cute. Puppies and babies are cute. We are beautiful, pretty, sophisticated — even attractive and interesting are better than the dreaded C-word. I have this theory that only single or divorced men ever refer to adult women as cute. Married men know that we didn’t spend an hour shopping for the perfect top and get our makeup done by a pro for your special work event so we could look “cute.” (They’ve figured out what “I’m tired” means, clearly).
We work as hard as you do, whether it’s writing and consulting (as I do), or working inside or outside the home. Your work is not more important than ours, regardless of who brings in more. Our business trips and meetings are critical, too. Somehow you travel for a few days and everything is fine on the home front (well, except that something always breaks. Dammit.). If we need to go, you become a little boy trying to figure out how to multitask work, kids, and house while eating Nutella.
Extra for good measure.
I know this is 12 Most but my signature is always to add in one more. Every woman I know lives by her phone. Not because we’re playing Minecraft like you, but because we put everything — our entire lives — in there. Whereas you lose your phone, let the kids use it, or ignore us completely which makes us want to hide your remotes so you can’t see the guy get hit in the nuts.
For the male point of view, you can get it here: 12 Most Manly Reasons Men are Smarter than Women
Featured image courtesy of Tamara Manning licensed via Creative Commons.