12 Most Sane Strategies for Managing your Anger
Anger is a normal human emotion. It is the manner in which you handle your anger that makes all the difference in how a situation progresses, and how you feel about things afterwards. If you occasionally find yourself getting angry or “losing it” by doing or saying things that you later live to regret, there is good news. You must remember that you are in full control of your emotions and can alter how you respond to your feelings of anger.
Taking a cognitive behavioral approach to anger may be your best bet in learning to more effectively manage your anger. Here are a few strategies that can help you tame your angry feelings to bring about more positive and productive outcomes.
1. Monitor your feelings
To more effectively manage your anger, try staying connected to your emotions at all times. Staying connected means that you understand what your triggers are. You what kinds of situations are going to set you up, set you off. This way you can take a more proactive approach in heading off any anger that may be developing. This way you become the manager of your emotional state rather than handing those keys over to someone else. Even if you don’t understand your feelings well, there are people around you who do. Do not let other people drive you around by some kind of “emotional tether.” You are in control of what you do.
2. Learn to identify your emotions
When you can put a specific name on how you’re feeling, like “annoyed” or “frustrated,” you’ll learn to better understand yourself and how your emotions work. Being able to identify a thing and label it gives us a better chance of dealing with it intelligently.
3. Recognize the first signs or signals of negative feelings
Annoyance, irritation, frustration and feeling out of sorts are all important precursors to anger. These emotions can signal the potential of an impending angry outburst.
4. Remove yourself from the location or situation
As soon as you sense the development of the precursors to anger, it is time to vacate the area. This way, you can avoid reacting in ways that may come back to haunt you later on. Instead, you’ll have time to cool down before you make an appropriate and measured response.
5. State briefly how you feel
Let the people you are with know that you’re feeling annoyed, frustrated or irritated and that you are going into another room or out for a walk until you feel calmer. Then actually leave the room. The times when you’re feeling annoyed or irritated are not the best times to attempt to engage in a rational discussion, make threats or make promises. And, trying to engage may actually further inflame those feelings further.
6. Let your partner know that you’re working on your anger issues
If you’re striving to better manage your feelings, your partner, both at home and at work, will probably be pleased, and offer to help you. That is unless they enjoy the drama. Share with them that you’ll be exiting some situations temporarily whenever you believe you’re getting too worked up.
7. Practice letting go of negative feelings
Whenever you find yourself with a high state of emotions, learn to allow your feelings to pass through you and away from you. Use visualization techniques to imagine them floating up to the sky in a big black cloud and drifting away. Promise yourself that you will hold no grudges. The key to this exercise is that you must really “let go.” Let go of grievances and let go of being “right.”
8. Journal your feelings
If writing down your frustrations and describing your anger helps to dissipate some of those negative feelings go ahead and do it. Picture yourself dumping all of your emotions out on to the page. When you’re done writing, you’re finished with the feelings. Leave your feelings of anger on the paper and move on.
9. Soothe yourself
Remind yourself that you’ve made it this far and you’ll get through these upsetting feelings also. Do something that lightens your emotions, like watching your favorite TV show (preferably a comedy), listening to your favorite up-tempo music, taking a walk or waxing the car. Whatever activity helps you calm down and feel relaxed can be used to self-soothe.
But, avoid relying on food, alcohol or other substances as methods to make you feel better. If you’re inclined to use any of these try using a cup of non-caffeinated tea instead.
10. Reschedule discussion
When you are no longer upset, set up a time when you can talk about how you felt. In these discussions, always remember to use “I” statements and maintain a calm tone of voice.
11. Renew your spirit
Seek quiet. Pray, mediate, whatever method you enjoy to re-center yourself. Silence is one of the great rejuvenators that we often overlook.
12. Celebrate your successes, large and small
Recognize and celebrate the episodes when you calmly exited and avoided an angry display of emotions. Congratulate yourself for handling your feelings successfully! Give yourself a mental pat on the back.
As you learn to manage your anger, you’ll feel more self confidence and contentment in your life. Use some of the above strategies and learn to be a better partner, worker, employer, employee and friend, as well as a happier person by successfully handling your temper and your emotions.
What other methods have you found useful in keeping a lid on your temper?
Related posts:
1. Silence: A Key to Rejuvenation
2. Improve Your Visualization Skills
Featured image courtesy of dave_apple via Creative Commons.
Martina McGowan
I have a penchant for studying leadership and business. I am a life-long student of human behavior. I have practiced medicine for over 30 years, in all settings including as a solo private practitioner. I have served on numerous boards in both the private and public sector. I am a mother, grandmother, blogger, and writer.
15 comments
Hi
While well intended...there is nothing new here and your info lacks any specifics...here would be something more substantial: Do not take hurtful words literally as if he means what he says. He is merely "firing for effect." He may want to intimidate you into submitting like a victim, and he uses strong language to do it. You are not the worst person in the world. You can choose not to take his words at face value. They are non-rational absurdities in the service of his negative, destructive purposes. You can agree that he feels the way he feels: "You sound hurt ". That must be painful" and so on. We can keep our version of the facts to ourselves. This is called, discretion, which is the power to choose how much we wish to reveal and when. Right now, we do not choose to reveal anything. It wouldn't help if we did. He isn't interested.
This is a must read! You are entitled to your feelings, it's your reactions that you will be judged by.
Cheers Martina!
@WineEveryday Thanks Eileen. Yes, we never want to discount how we feel, we should own that. But we must also take full responsibilty for what we do to other people.
1 Like
VACATE...VACATE...3, 2, 1...BOOM!
Actually, I do quite well with anger around most people. My wife says she can see it in my body language, though. And sometimes, I do a brilliant running commentary.
Mine doesn't build - it's just not there, and then HELLO!
And guess what, then I get angry with myself for getting angry. I live a blessed life, so I need to get a grip and realize "this too shall pass" in all situations. Too much good livin' to do, so I shouldn't be shaving years off my life with getting angry.
@dbvickery Thanks, Brian, and I agree with everything you have said. I don't get angry often, but like yours it tends to unravel all at once. I have learned to back down, stand down, and recognize the signs in myself. And then as tour title suggests, I usually vacate and re-group.
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Woah...you're in my head with my child. These are the tools I'm giving her to 1) recognize the triggers 2) use the tools to keep cool.
Not being an angry person (and having no one in the house to be angry AT), it was a rude awakening when I had to focus on that emotion in an 8yo. But, the tools work; she's managing and recognizing and teachers agree we've all seen progress.
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You make a good point. Whether the benefit is for ourselves or those we care for, learning how to control angry outbursts are an important part of our skill-sets. That's great that you are helping your child work through this early in life. Learning to control it and rechannel it into something more useful will serve her well as an adult.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
1 Like
Great ideas, Martina! All useful. The hardest part is being able to pause, reflect for a moment and then use these tactics, just as that nasty urge to escalate anger first flashes...
Agreed, Becky! The hardest part is taking a breath or a step back just as you are about to burst into flames. But an important thing that we must realize as we work with others is that we cannot (or should not) let others drag us around and manipulate us by understanding our emotional triggers and flashpoints better than we do ourselves.
Thanks.
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