12 Most Winning Ways Women Can Lean In

12 Most Winning Ways Women Can Lean In

For as long as I can remember, I have been leaning in. It wasn’t called leaning in back then, it was putting myself out there. From an early age my parents and grandparents reinforced to me that I could be anything I ever wanted.

It simply never occurred to me that I couldn’t do anything I ever wanted. I never saw a gap between men and women.

But, something changes for some reason once we graduate college. After years of studying and working hard, there is the decision to lean into family or lean in to your career. Every woman I know my age has made or is making that decision right now. It’s a bit of “damned if you do and damned if you don’t.“

My own journey has led me to start my own company so I can have more control over my time — to make sure I never miss a Little League game or a first day of school. It allows me to do more and do what I love, because I am in charge of my future.

So how can women take Sheryl Sandberg’s advice and lean in regardless of what path they are on?

1. Be a mentor

The best way to find a mentor is to be a mentor. Find one or two other young women around you who could use a mentor, someone to call for advice or support. Becoming a mentor simply starts with noticing the need around you and then asking!

2. Lean in at work and at home

Can women truly have it all? Yes and no. Be the best mother or wife you can be — take the time for date nights, for taking care of things that are important to your family. Don’t let time slip through your fingers. Schedule your vacations and off time as diligently as you schedule your meetings and calls.

3. Remember that it takes an army

I firmly believe no one can do it alone — at home or at the office. Lean on people you can trust — family and friends and get help when you can. If you can afford a house keeper a few times a month — I can’t tell you the stress that will relieve from your life — same with having a gardener or the neighborhood teen mow your lawn. Don’t feel like you have to do it all. No one can. Ask for help. It is amazing what happens when you just ask.

4. Get the right partner

Sheryl talks about this extensively in her book and I could not agree more. Having the right life partner is so key. A woman should not be the one doing it all. She needs help — anyone would! Find a partner who will support you when there are times you are leaning in to your career, who will be a partner with the kids and responsibilities at home. I know for a fact that I could not do what I do or have the success I have had if it wasn’t for my amazing husband who is truly “all in.”

5. Ask and then ask again

To truly lean in, you have to not be afraid of asking. I always thought of it as a numbers game — the more you ask, someone is bound to say yes! So ask for that pay raise, ask to speak at the next conference, ask for that next client. Keep asking. You are going to get no’s but that can’t stop you.

6. Don’t be afraid

I have learned to recognize those butterflies I feel when I get a little nervous — that is the time I know I am on the right track. Don’t let it get too comfortable. Stay in the zone of being a little afraid, of pushing yourself to do the thing you are afraid of.

7. Don’t be afraid to be bossy

Little girls many times are called bossy. Sheryl Sandberg would prefer if you called bossy girls, “girls with executive leadership potential.” You sometimes need to spread your peacock feathers and speak up for what you want — this is a big part of leaning in. Some people argue this is “acting like a man.”

8. Embrace being a woman

Don’t try to be like a man. Be assertive, lean in, but feel free to do it in heels. Now that being said, take the time to look your personal best — professionally. Wear clothes that look incredible on you and ignore the size label. Have a wardrobe that you can feel good about. When you look good, you feel good!

9. Uplift other women around you

Look around, whom around you can you lift up and elevate? Women have the responsibility as they are climbing the corporate, or mommy ladder to turn around and give a fellow woman the help up she needs. This includes reaching out to another woman and checking in, seeing how she is doing, giving her advice as she has asked for it, but mainly just supporting her.

10. Negotiate for yourself

Be your own best advocate, your own best promoter and your own biggest fan. No one is going to negotiate for you, except you. Get clear about what you want and don’t want professionally and personally and make decisions that will support that.

11. Stop discrediting your achievements

Sometimes we have a hard time taking a compliment. Embrace it, say thank you and own your accomplishments. Be your own best promoter — no one is going to do it for you.

12. Practice makes perfect

Nervous? Find someone you can trust and role play difficult conversations you may need to have. This is one of the best ways to push through your fear and not chicken out at the eleventh hour when you are ready to deal with something big.

The point here is regardless of what your aspirations are, lean in with all that you have so when they time comes to choose a different path you have options. Why was I able to quit my full time job and start my own company? Because I had leaned in for many years — giving it my 110% and now I am still leaning in but in a different way. I am leaning into being a mom, a great wife (most days!) and a profitable and thriving business owner. I may not have it all, but it feels pretty darn close!

I’d love to hear your feedback about this subject. How do you feel about Sheryl Sandberg’s lean in philosophy? Post a comment below!

Featured image courtesy of martinak15 licensed via Creative Commons.

Katie Lance

https://www.facebook.com/KatieLanceConsulting

Katie is the CEO and Owner of Katie Lance Consulting. Katie specializes in social media strategy and content development, and works with mid to large sized brands in the technology and real estate industries. Katie is frequent speaker at national conferences teaching the latest tools and strategies in social media, mobile and technology trends. She is a frequent blogger and contributor to Inman News and The Huffington Post. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and 2 beautiful boys.

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8 comments
ChristineSteffensen
ChristineSteffensen

I bet you're a terrific mother and wife Katie.Having someone to lean in doesn't mean you're weak because you can't do it alone even men. This is all wrong! No one can do it alone. Without friends or family who gave  them pieces of advice and encouragement, maybe there's no one like Steve Jobs. Thanks for sharing Sheryl Sandberg's list of advice. :)

biggreenpen
biggreenpen

I haven't read the book yet, and I try not to comment about books I haven't read, so I'll comment specific to your post as opposed to the book. :-) I think you make some extremely valid points. At this point in the process, I have the partner I have -- which is primarily a good thing -- but the balancing of careers/families has been a challenge through the  years. I honestly wanted to be a stay at home but life didn't work out that way. I am tired of employers implying that putting my family first means I am an inferior employee. (all of that is hard to explain in one blog comment but there's work to do that's all I have to say!). Thanks for tackling this popular topic.

profkrg
profkrg

I read this book. I agreed and disagreed, like most people, I'm sure. However, I must say that several of your points are critical. 

No. 4 is one of them. Your partner (and I think this is true for both genders) makes a huge difference in your ability to actively lean in as much as you desire. 

No. 9 is one that really bothers me. Why do women purposely attempt to hurt each other? It just doesn't make any sense, but I've seen it repeatedly.

Thanks for this great summary.

Kenna

Latest blog post: Look! Media Internships!

reddingagents
reddingagents

Katie, you hit it right on the head with this article. I can totally relate and yes hiring help is one of the best decision we've made in 2012 to today and it's turned our business around! Way to go girlfriend.

Maria Jeantet, Redding CA

katielance
katielance

@biggreenpen thanks for commenting - I agree there is an inferred feeling that a lot of women get when they put their families 1st. I always say that "the proof is in the pudding," meaning an employer may say he/she is family friendly but what happens when you need to put that to the test - like leave early to pick up your child when they are sick? I am hoping that more and more companies will realize that it's not work in one bucket and family in the other anymore - there is so much more of a blending and if they can be flexible for men or women - it can be a huge win-win.

katielance
katielance

@profkrg thank you so much for your comment. Completely agree about having the right partner - it is HUGE and has been huge for me. And I completely agree about women hurting each other - it drives me crazy and I do see it often. Thank you Karen for commenting!

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