12 Most Merry Ways to Deal with Holiday Drama
It’s the most wonderful, strike that… most stressful time of the year!
My mom and my grandmother never really got along, but their passive-aggressive tendencies always seemed to reach new heights around the holidays.
My grandmother had impeccable taste in clothing. I remember my mother opening a beautifully wrapped present from her. It was a gorgeous blouse in size XL.
The problem? My mom was 5’4 and weighed in at a whopping 120 pounds.
“This is a beautiful blouse, but it’s too big. Can I get the receipt for it and exchange it for my size?” asked my mother.
“Oh dear, don’t worry about that,” said my grandma, “You’ll grow into it.”
It was a very merry Christmas at the Mazur family’s house that year! My holiday memories had as much fun as dysfunction. As I grew up, I realized that my family was not unique in dealing with family holiday drama. That inspired this survival guide for the holidays — the 12 most merry ways to deal with holiday drama.
1. Understand the true meaning of conflict
The true meaning of conflict is simply two or more parties who have incompatible goals. Yep, that’s it. No yelling or emotional outbursts, just incompatible goals. When you realize what the true meaning of conflict is, it is a bit easier to put a squabble into perspective and to put the emotions aside.
2. Avoid hot-button topics
Do not bring up topics that spark family controversy. No one needs to chat over the Christmas goose about Cousin Cindy’s boyfriend who no one likes or to debate the merits of the Democratic or Republican healthcare plans. If you know it will lead to conflict, just avoid the topic.
3. Keep your emotions in check
You can’t control what other people say to you, but you can control how you respond. Family members know how to push emotional buttons very well. The closer the family member, the more they know where your soft underbelly lies. If someone starts poking at you, breathe deeply and remember that you are in control of your own emotions.
4. Schedule “me” time
Make time for you during the holidays. You need time to rejuvenate from all the merrymaking. This is especially true if you are an introvert and need to recharge with well-deserved alone time.
5. “No” is a complete sentence
My friend Betsy Talbot, of Married with Luggage, recently said “No is a complete sentence.” As you start getting overscheduled with holiday commitments from work parties to family events, remember to protect your time. Say “no” to events you don’t want to attend and remember — you don’t have to explain the “why” behind the “no.”
6. Phone a friend
When the holiday shenanigans start getting the better of you, call a trusted friend to vent. Just giving a voice to your frustrations can help alleviate the emotional stress and bolster your fa-la-la spirit.
Volunteering for a charity during the holidays is great use of time. But in this case, I mean volunteer to be the store runner. If Aunt Ruth is not happy with homemade cranberry sauce and she wants the jellied stuff that retains the shape of the can, volunteer to run to the store to get it. It will give you some much-needed unwinding time.
8. Accentuate the positive
It might be hard, but find one thing you like about each difficult person you have to deal with during the holidays. Maybe you like the way they make the turkey or really appreciate how they handled their recent layoff. Whatever it is, keep that one thing in your mind when you are talking with them. If you can feel positive about that person, it comes out in your communication.
9. Play games
Not mind games but board games. If everyone is focused on a game, it’s less talk time and more time enjoying the game and maybe enjoying each other.
10. Fake it
I am not one to advocate for being inauthentic, but sometimes it is just easier to smile and fake it during holiday gatherings. Just be sure you have someone to talk to about why you had to fake it (see #6). However, you might be pleasantly surprised — while smiling to fake it, you might actually start enjoying yourself. This has happened to me on many work party occasions.
11. The holidays come only once a year
Awkward work holiday parties and family get-togethers only happen once a year. They’re temporary, and soon this holiday season too, shall pass.
Have some spiked eggnog, but not too much spiked eggnog. You don’t want to be the relative that passes out into the Christmas tree. (I was NEVER the relative in the tree, but I’d be lying if I said I never saw this at my family holiday party.)
The holidays should be the most wonderful time of the year but for most of us, the holidays bring a lot of stress, awkwardness, and dysfunctional fun. Remember, it is your holiday too, so make the most of it.
How do you navigate holiday drama? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below.
Featured image courtesy of Lomo-Cam licensed via Creative Commons.